Monday, April 26, 2010

Hidden talents

Kiri at Elbows, Knees Dreams asked me to participate in a meme about my "hidden teacher talents" -- you know, those astonishing feats of superteachery we can all perform that don't exactly line up as bullets on a resume. Here are mine:

  • I can distinguish between a child doing the "pee dance" who actually has to use the bathroom and a child doing the "pee dance" who's just trying to convince me he has to go to the bathroom.
  • When a child slams his book/folder shut and triumphantly exults, "I'm done!", I can tell whether or not he is, in fact, actually done.
  • I can, on the spot, come up with about 30 more things for children who are "done" to do.
  • Out of the 28 children on line behind me, I can tell which one is squeaking his hand on the banister, which one just jumped down the last two steps and which one is surreptitiously whispering to the girl in front of her.
  • I do an impeccable Toad voice in my read aloud of Arnold Lobel's Frog and Toad books.
  • I can instantly feign shock and awe in response to a child who believes he is imparting new information, even if what she is actually saying is, "Miss Brave, did you know that birds have wings?!"
  • I have mastered the "I was just checking to make sure you were paying attention" response to students pointing out my mistakes.
  • I can make chores seem like such a special, precious task that children are practically begging me to let them organize things.
  • I know where in the room my naughty kids are at all times and can instantly sense when they are up to no good.
  • I can get an auditorium full of hundreds of children to quiet instantly just by clapping my hands.

16 comments:

Skoddyboy said...

This is a terrific list! Females seem to be gifted with the "eyes in the back of the head." Can I learn this, as a future male teacher? :)

bronxteach said...

Great list! I'm especially glad I also can tell the difference between the real "pee dance" and the disingenuous one. Could lead to some problems otherwise.

ed notes online said...

Taking a class on a trip by subway and bringing them back exactly at dismissal time.

kiri8 said...

These are terrific! It was fun to read them. I love the one about being able to tell if a child is really done or not.

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bun2bon said...

Oh so, so, many things they never teach you in the credential program. =)

jd2718 said...

I can, in a room buzzing with conversations, pick out the two kids who are off-topic.

I don't, btw, use "I was just checking" - a mistake's a mistake - I thank them and move on. But my kiddies are much older, and they have confidence (pretty much) in my knowledge, so there's a different dynamic.

Jonathan

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I thank them and move on. But my kiddies are much older, and they have confidence

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